Did society change its expectations of women?

On the eve of my 32nd birthday, I felt an unfamiliar sense of relief and calmness. Surprisingly, I felt absolutely no shame that I was turning another year older without a man by my side or children that could call me “mom.” The pressure I had felt years prior was nowhere to be found.

It made me wonder, did society change its expectations of us, women?

In my late twenties, I began to experience the pressure to lower my standards to be picked by any man and have children before my biological clock said it was too late. The two things that I knew I was not in a rush to have or have at all. Yet, I could not control the amount of shame triggered anytime I was asked about my relationship status.

The pressure was suffocating me so much so that I went on a solo trip to New York City on my 27th birthday to escape it. The Midwest is unkind to unmarried and childless women, so I needed to go back to the city that has always made me feel normal. The “high” of the trip lasted me until I didn’t have a plus one for work events, galas, and weddings.

Entering my thirties felt like a fresh new start. The new decade became an opportunity to implement the lessons I had learned while enjoying the fruits of my labor and education. Since entering my thirties, I have earned a new degree, invested in real estate, made a cross-country move, and raised a puppy.

Along the way, I have gotten to know dozens of women around my age who support my decisions, laugh with me at adventures, celebrate my accomplishments as their own and vice versa. Many of them are raising their daughters to choose for themselves, too.

Merriam-Webster describes society as a voluntary companionship or association with one’s fellows. By this definition, women are my society.

The society I consider important and whose opinions I value. In building female-centered communities, I have learned that the expectations we have for each other is simply to choose the life we want to live and accept the choices of others.

So no, society did not change their expectations of women. I changed my perception of society.

This change has been transformative. As humans, we need reassurance from time to time, so what happens when we don’t get it from who we want it most? Our vision gets blurry.

In the past, when I felt unsupported, I focused on those who didn’t support while ignoring everyone who did. When I felt unloved, I focused on those who did not love me back, while looking passed everyone who cared deeply. When I felt lonely, I focused on those absent from my life while overlooking who was standing right beside me.

Society will change their expectations of us when we change society. To do so, we must know, or have an idea, of what type of life do we wish to live and for whom. By standing firm on our desires, we will clearly see the community who is proud, in support, and joyful of our life. A life full of options, choices and possibilities.